Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
