I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
