I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
