I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
