Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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