fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
