I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
