just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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