at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
