watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
