One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
