I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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