he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This house was built for laser tag.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
