A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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