Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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