Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
