I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
