She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
