But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
