I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
