I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
