Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
