dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
