had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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