she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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