her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
