it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
