well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
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the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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