if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
