I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we made out on top of his cat.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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