omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize