Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
