don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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