I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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