I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
