Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
