do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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