So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
