it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
