there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
