don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
