Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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