I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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