forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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