doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
