where am i from again
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
