know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
