I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
