i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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