Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
