What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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