Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
