i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
