so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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