Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
