at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
