Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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