my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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