my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
