apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
