How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
