he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
