well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
