a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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