I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
