There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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