I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm too high and old for this...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
