I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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