i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
