I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
