My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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