just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So vagazzling was a success
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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