Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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