I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
