you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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