The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
