The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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